"Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives."
i wanna find you
a way out of my head
the world is ending inside you
let it love you to death
…I’m sure it’s not meant to be mean, not meant to point out that my now 103 lb frame is no longer as slight as it once was. He didn’t know me back then. But to someone who’s All-Consuming Reason For Being was at one time to become The Smartest and Skinniest Girl in Pre-Med, the voice still residing in my head recoils at the statement and wants to retaliate with a haughty declaration of “Oh ya, well challenge accepted!”
I don’t want to make a big deal about how much the comment affects me, so I say nothing.
I keep it together.
But is it really so wrong to think that girls’ bodies shouldn’t be compared to one another? Really so wrong to want for once be noticed for something other than my size?
While I can’t see myself ever falling back into bad habits and I am much happier in life now, that doesn’t mean I’m all together satisfied or confident in how my body has changed over the years. I cringed a little bit when I finally tipped into triple digits last year, though I sucked it back with a determined will to accept it as natural. So yes, comparisons like that still sting, even if they are meant in jest.
Now your pretty horses run wild and free
You can go and find a lover, baby, better than me